Lessons Learned | Writing

Write Like a Motherf*cker

February 25, 2013

I don’t want to dwell on the fact that I got feedback on my current project that essentially told me to go back and try again. What I had written wasn’t very good. I know this. But I did NOT want to hear it. Not at all. But, here’s the thing I want to focus on instead of the fact that I’ve got more work to do. I can make it better. I WILL make it better.

The group that read my book also gave me a book to read. At first, I was like “whatever!” The last thing I wanted to do was read writing that was much better than mine. When I did read it, something happened. It spoke to me.

Okay, that sounds bizzare and freakish but it was EXACTLY what I needed to read. The book is, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar. The thing that’s ironic too is my book and my writing are nothing like this book, which is essentially a compilation of letters to an advice columnist but this book told me in the most direct and most compassionate way to stop whining and just write.

One reader, Elissa, wrote Sugar to ask a question about how she could stop comparing herself to other amazing writers and get out of her depression so she can write. The letter went on to explain that Elissa feared even if she got over her depression and began writing, it would still be crap. Elissa was only 25 years old but she was afraid that she would never achieve what she thought she could and the fact that she was in her mid-twenties made her feel like she was running out time (At 25? As IF!!) She asked: “How does a depressed, headcase get up and become the writer she wishes she could be?

Sugar wrote back: “The first product of self-knowledge is humility,” a quote by Flannery O’Connor. Sugar, who really is Cheryl Strayed, a successful novelist but of course she didn’t start out that way. Cheryl discovered that she had to be young and stupid in order to gain the self-knowledge she needed to write her books. Cheryl had to give up all the grandious ideas about herself and writing get down to the only thing that mattered, which was writing the stories. She tells Elissa that coming to be humble like the quote says is not easy. She goes on to tell Elissa that the only way to write get the story that is meant to come out is to “gather everything within [yourself] to make it happen. [You] wil have to sit and think of only one thing longer and harder that [you] think possible. [You] have to suffer. By which I mean work.


When I read that, I felt like it hit me square between the eyes. There is no magic pill. No combination of things to do or things not to do. No amount of workshops you can take. No matter how much I kid myself that doing all this other crap contributes to my writing, it doesn’t. I have to work. WORK. And stop comparing myself to other people who have done the work and reaped the rewards.

Do you do this? Do you busy yourself with everything else BUT writing sometimes? Do you also get caught up in all that drama about being a great writer and get down on yourself because it hasn’t happened for you yet?

I do, and I discovered the reason why. WRITING IS HARD. It can be painful. It can be infuriating. I want to give up! Good writing is EVEN HARDER. It takes WORK. I know I dillude myself into thinking I can crank out something, tweak it a bit, and then it will be fantastic. This almost NEVER happens. I needed the book club to tell me this, even when I didn’t want to hear it. I may not be a great writer, but I sure as hell will NEVER become one if I don’t do the work. Like, DUH! Why hadn’t I thought about this before?

If you obsess about writing…if you read every single “how to write better” article you come across…if you read and read and read trying to become a better writer…then you need to WRITE! For God sakes, write! Not like anyone else you admire. You need to write like YOU and do it with everything you’ve got. You need to write like a badass, motherf*cker. Oh yes.

How do you write like a mother f*cker? What do you do to stop giving yourself such a hard time about your writing? Please share in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you.

Go here for more on the author and the book, Tiny Beautiful Things.

Only registered users can comment.

  1. “Do you do this? Do you busy yourself with everything else BUT writing sometimes? Do you also get caught up in all that drama about being a great writer and get down on yourself because it hasn’t happened for you yet?”

    Um yes. And yes.

    Also, I have a hard time with the negative voices in my head always telling me that my writing is CRAP.

    And yes, getting HONEST feedback is SUPER HARD, but also, totally necessary to improve.


  2. Tell those voices to, “SHUT UP!” Keep doing it over and over until they start to be quiet. This is what I’m working on right now. It does work. I’m still in that “I feel lost” stage trying to figure out what to do with the feedback I’ve been given. I hope that letting it sit for a while, praying my butt off, and then coming back to it will wipe away the lost feeling. Probably the only way to really stop feeling lost is to just write. Write like a motherf*cker.

  3. What I find interesting with critique feedback is how different a lot of it is. What others don’t find/see, someone else does. Common threads are so much easier to deal with. But all information is helpful, I find, even if I have to go back and revise!

    1. Everyone has a different point of view but when you get a lot of people saying your writing is really not that good, it can be hard to take. I had to learn to buck up and do the work and I’ve only just started.

      1. Even if your writing is solid and the prose is better than many, there will be something that needs improvement, and the struggle is to learn how to see it for yourself. Other viewpoints are necessary, but even as you study the craft of writing and how to put a story together, it’s still learning how to see issues yourself and recognize what is needed that is still so hard. I’m beginning to think even after a book goes through beta and edits, it’s better to let it sit for several months before you publish it, so you can go back again and see what your reaction is to it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *